Sunday, 16 May 2010

The other day I even found one in the bath....

Hello again,

This entry comes to you in the half an hour break between Eastenders and Glee; lazy Monday nights are pretty much dictated by the contents of the TV listings and what's recorded in the sky planner I must admit. Today has been a hugely lazy day, I was definitely paying for not getting to bed till after 4am and having to get up at 9.30 (very, very grumpily,) for my 8 units of Novomix and bowl of bran flakes (we'd also ran out of sweetener, so they were very unappetising bran flakes at that.) But it was all definitely worth the lethargy today, overall a very lovely night. Anyway, I digress, back to the subject of the day; blood glucose testing.

Anyone that knows me well will know I have some obsessive tendencies. I have been known to walk in and out of a room five times to check that I've turned my straighteners off, walk around the house before bed turning off all the plugs and, of course, I'll always check my diabetic kit bag at least twice before going out. I only obsess because I worry. I'm a huge worrier. And whilst it may seem unnecessary, these little things will always help to ease my worries and do more good than harm.

So, it was only a matter of time I guess before I developed some sort of a ritual / obsession with my diabetes. In some ways I'd definitely say that rituals in a diabetics life can be a good thing. At the moment I can only see benefit in taking my injections and eating my meals at pretty much the same time everyday, eating the same bowl of bran flakes before bed and always checking that I have everything I need with me. Simple, healthy rituals that keep me structured and focused on good blood glucose control.

However, my latest obsession has become counter-productive in some ways. I'm definitely too focused on blood glucose testing. At the moment it's always at least 10 a day. Sometimes I'll do three at a time just to make sure that it's right. I'll always do it when I wake up any time in the night, I'm becoming too afraid of night time hypos. I get more paranoid at work and when I'm out, so again, more testing. I feel like I've taken massive steps forward since diagnosis, but now I'm sure this new phase of worrying has taken me even further back than I was to begin with.

I don't want to be the diabetic that's too terrified of lows and too worried about my sugars to go out and take the opportunities that are presented to me in life.

I don't want my blood sugars to become a barrier to anything I want to do.

And I'd like my contour meter and the digits it shows to be my friend, aid and guide rather than the thing that controls my every move and thought.

So, positive steps to take I guess, because I'd like to make those leaps forward again. I'm going to start trusting my body more. I'm going to start trusting the meter more and not retest unless I have a good reason to be unsure about the result. And I'm going to try and regain a little bit of control over my life that my blood sugars have taken from me.

It's all about finding the thin lines in life. I'm a definite believer in that saying, its better to be safe and sorry. But I also recognise that there's a fine line between being safe and being so obsessively safe that it's going to eventually start to eat a way at you and make you put your life on hold. I'm determined to find that balance.

For some newly diagnosed diabetics I'm sure the will power comes into play to actually make them test their sugars and follow the regime. I'm going to need the will power to be a little less stringent and neurotic when it comes to blood sugar testing.

Wish me luck because I'm sure this is going to be bring benefits to my life as a type one diabetic. The main one of course being gaining a little bit more control over my life and learning to trust my instincts. And the small day to day benefits....

Like not finding those little white strips absolutely everywhere you look!
The other day I even found one in the bath.... ;)

So, there you go. I'll let you know how it all goes.

Thanks for reading :)


Ps. I've had some absolutely gorgeous emails and messages from some very special friends in response to this blog over the last few days. They've made me realise how important it is to keep in touch with friends that may slip past your radar from time to time. My friendship post highlighted the importance of the friends currently active in my life right now; the ones that are there through the everyday thick of it. But, the support I've gained from friends outside of this is amazing. Another of my goals in the very near future is to forge back the connections lost with these lovely people and show them just how much I've realised how important every friendship is, whether you see them every day of your life, or just exchange an email once in a while, every friendship is important. I'd just like to thank them and to make a promise to try my very best to be way better at keeping in touch.

Ah. On that very heavy note, time for Glee. It's an absolute must.


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