Friday, 14 May 2010

Winter, spring, summer or fall....

All you've got to do is call.
And I'll be there yes I will.
You've got a friend.

I thought I'd devote my first real post to something very special and extremely important in my life; my friends. I'd just like to emphasise just how amazing my friends have been through all this so far. I mean, friends are important in anyone's life but sometimes its very easy to take them for granted and not realise how much they actually do. During the very good times I realised just how great that group of people around me are to have fun with, and how they can turn good times into incredible times. During the normal, everyday times I just go about with my routines, comfortable in the fact that my friends are there. But it's only when hard times hit that I truly realised the full extent of their contribution in my life. I also discovered who my true friends were and which of them were only fair weather friends. It all sounds so cliched I know, but I truly mean every word.

Just over a week ago I had one of my first major down days since diagnosis. It's the theory that I was given a normal coke instead of a diet one in a pub on that particular dinnertime, plus a hypo and correction, and a slightly bigger lunch than normal and needless to say I spent the rest of the day high. Since diagnosis I have had really good control (my doctor suggested my last hba1c indicated that my control was too tight) and I've been really chuffed with myself. So, despite this blip not being very very high (peaked at 16.6) and it only being a one off, I went majorly downhill moodwise. I was angry at myself for letting it get that high, I was angry at the diabetes for not playing nicely, I was angry at the waitress who'd given me the normal coke. But anger only lasts for a short while with me. I burned myself out quickly and the anger all dissipated into sadness.

When I get down about diabetes, or about anything really, its really not good for me to be by myself. I dwell on things a lot, I cry too much, and I'm a RUBBISH at consoling myself, so I just wallow and over-think and catastrophise things. So, with a car full of my friends and my boyfriend I did the final test before we went out to discover my sugars were rising. It pushed me over the edge, and the pretence that I'm very good at keeping up. I can usually swear by the statement "I don't cry in front of people." because I just don't... the second they get out of the door then yes, but I'm good at holding it together in front of people; usually. I cried until my face was covered in mascara (waterproof... yeah right!) and I said I couldn't come out, basically I just wanted to get home to my mam and watch my sugars. So I said I'd drop them all home and I prepared myself for a night alone sugar watching..

But, that's the beauty of my friends. They insisted on coming home with me. They watched me test, and test again and test again, and they all let me test their sugars for moral support. They made me wee on a ketostick just to put my mind at rest. They watched me take my insulin and eat my tea and they politely played on my nintendo 64 (very retro I know...) whilst they could have all been out together having fun. But, as brilliant as they are, they said "we're not going out anywhere without you." So we sat and waited and waited and we rejoiced when my sugars finally came down to single figures. Eventually we made it out for a bit at about 10pm, but only after they persuaded me that yes, I would be fine, and yes, they'd look out for me, of course they would.

I really hope they know how much I appreciate them. I did text them to thank them, but they seem to think that they're just doing what any friends would. I once said to my boyfriend "Remember, I'm stuck with this, but you're not." I'm often plaqued with worry that diabetes has made me very boring and a very crappy friend. I'm currently not drinking, I'm always testing my sugar, I worry about going out, sleepovers with my best friend no longer consist of ben and jerrys and maltesers, I'm funny about going out for meals, My mind's never 100% doing whatever I'm doing, its always being mindful of my sugar and hypos as well... I'm often wondering why I deserve such brilliant friends and boyfriend and I'm always a million percent thankful for them. Don't get me wrong... they make me see boys films, and they make constant innuendos and I'm sure they often forget I'm a girl at all... but I wouldn't have it any other way.

So, Thankyou;

- For the hugs.
- For asking about it sometimes, I actually do enjoy being nerdy and explaining it all to someone.
- For forcing me to come on that one night out I've had since diagnosis and looking out for me all the way through.
- For staying in on that very boring night.
- For fitting plans around my injections.
- For never understimating how important it is.
- For listening to me moan and dealing with my tears.

And basically, for not running away at a thousand miles an hour. I really wouldn't blame them if they'd have backed off... I'm just so glad that they didn't. I don't know what I'd do without them.

You know who you are, and I hope you know I'd do the same for you anytime.

I know there's some diabetics who try and keep diabetes out of their friendships and relationships. It's hard showing your friends that you're vulnerable and asking for a little extra help, and its hard being different and feeling just that little bit more boring and annoying than everyone else. But my advice to anyone out there who's keeping it from their friends... tell them. Moan to them. Cry to them even. If their worth having they'll be an amazing help and if they're not, then they're just not worth it as friends.

Diabetes is hard. But it's nowhere near as hard when you have you have a helping hand. (or lots of helping hands.)

One final point to illustrate just how emotional I get. I turned the internet on on my ipod the other day for the first time since the high incident last week, only to find my boyfriend had googled "how to lower high blood sugar levels." Ohh dear, I cried buckets. I'm a sentimental fool, I know.

So, here's an excercise for today; let your friends know just how much they mean to you, take a moment out to realise all the little things they do that get taken for granted. (Warning; this may make you a) nostalgic b) sentimental c) blub like on idiot... have the tissues at hand!)

"You've got a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
When the road looks rough ahead
And you're miles and miles
From your nice warm bed
Just remember what your old pal said
Boy, you've got a friend in me."

Also, another excercise for the day. Watch Toy Story. Amazing Film.

Thanks for reading... if you made it to the end of that VERY long entry.



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